Crying in the Workplace
I did it.... I finally f***ing did it. Something I never, ever, EVER wanted to do because no matter how much I complain about being overwhelmed and having to carry an unbelievable load and be superwoman all of the time, I AM NEVER, EVER, EVER supposed to break down at work. AND I had the audacity to do it twice. Once in front of my old boss and again, in front of my new boss. It wasn't that pitiful, boo-hoo crying (thank GOD) but it was the "my team has worked our asses off and it hasn't yielded the results we expected, I'm disappointed, tired and just need to release for a moment" type of cry.
Mind you my old boss, as I've indicated in a prior blog, used to carry on like a madwoman at work (crying, cursing, screaming) when things weren't working out the way she' d hoped. I was a bit choked up and messed up my mascara HOWEVER that is soooooo unlike me, and I despise that type of shit. NEVER let em see u sweat. That's the school I come from. But I did it. I let them see me cry which is even worse. Both my old and new boss were completely sympathetic and very kind but DAMN why the hell am I letting shit stress me out so much that I actually shed a tear at work???!!##$#@!.
I just came back from a 10-day vacation, 7 days of which were spent on a cruise in the Western Carribbean with my man (it was great though I almost killed myself riding an ATV. Will write more on the trip and my near death experience at a later date) but now I feel like I never had a damn vacation. Being the HNIC is not fun and I can't believe I signed up for this shit. I don't want to be the boss anymore. It's too fuckin' stressful! And now I'm crying at work?? What the FUCK?!!?
I am so tired. I need to get my shit together or I might just have a damn nervous breakdown at work and I don't think I could live with myself if I did that. Any way --- What's up w/ me buckling under pressure? I'm acting like a straight bitch-ass punk. But I am soooo damn tired. Hmmmmm, I almost forgot.... this is my PMS week.
posted by Celena @ 7:54 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
chile....we may be on the same cycle LOL...No arguements during PMS Week...no discussions...reschedule that ish LOL
no but seriously...I've been there...When I was the Society Liason over at ELS...and that homo assistant and homo boss had me caught in a crazy web...I had a breakdown...cried and called them both homomutherf-ers...wait matter of fact there have been other occasions...but it's out of anger and frustration...I try not to make it a habit but if it happens...I'm not too hard on myself about it...We are fire signs so we tend to be extra emotional LOL
I just blogged in your comments...I think it's cause I missed you...can't wait to hear about the vacation!!!
Yep... that's a PMS thang, plus being physically and mentally tired...enough to make anybody cry...
I've had a couple of good cries at work. But only in the women's restroom, in a bathroom stall. I act "This bitch is gonna punch or shoot somebody" crazy in front of supervisors when things are all jacked up at work. That's my weird way of dealing with things...
But you know what has curbed my crying/anger? Asking myself what am I afraid of... Because this type of angst/behavior, for me, always stems from/and or rooted in some type of fear... Squash the fear, squash the emotional outbursts...
It's a rough road being the HNIC (my boss is a young black female)... but hey, somebody's gotta do it...
It's gonna work out for you...
I appreciate these empowering words of advice and incredible insight. There is a fear there and I am definitely grappling with it. I think mainly the fear of people finding out I no longer want to be there (you know I want to be the one to leave and not have them ask me to leave because they know I'm looking) but in any case, it was definitely a bad week, emotions are running high and I'm just ready for a new challenge. 7 years w/ one job is too long, I think.
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